Dear Champ, 

It’s not fair that your adopted younger brother gets more love and attention.

Good news: even though you are twice my age, I find you irresistible. 

I was wondering if, by chance, you were not a registered Democrat since you come from rural PA, from that not-so-wonderful breeder who was eventually arrested.

I think it was smart of your dad to invite every reporter he knew to Major’s homeless shelter (rescue?) to show everyone he was all about “adopt, don’t shop.” Well played, Joe.

Still, it’s not fair that you get less attention and love than Major – ‘indoguration’ my gorgeous ass – just because you didn’t come from a homeless shelter.

F*@# that. And F*@# “adopt don’t shop.” If you came from a good breeder like me, shouldn’t it really mean that you don’t have to be polite when people say, “Adopt, Don’t Shop” as if I came from Kohls?

I don’t judge you or your adopted, rootless brother. He seems pretty legit. GSD, I have to say. Not bad for a rescue. 

But I love you more, Champ. I just love you for who you are, the fact that I know we’re not related because we have pedigrees, and for the fabulous access you have to food. So, would you consider dating a blonde conservative? xox N